joy

There is happiness and there is joy. Happiness, I'm told, is derived from happenings. While joy comes from deep inside, born of no circumstance; it dwells. The word joy has perplexed me. Happiness I understand, I've experienced it on timeless occasions but joy seems evasive. Too large of a word, of an experience for me to claim. But what a magical thing joy must be; to find joy untethered. It's a Godly thing, is it not? A certain peace must exist for it to thrive. If happiness is based on happenings then joy is based on sweet nothingness, self-created or willed by God. What an amazing idea.

I will not betray my emotions. As complex as joy may appear, I think I've danced with it over the years. Periods of a feeling so overwhelming I was moved to tears, feeling so blessed and so full of life, yet, as I look back these too seem tied to "happenings". So were they joy or were they happiness? Perhaps happiness is ill-defined. Or perhaps there are no words that can rightly define either emotion. Instead we should leave it to the heart to determine what is and save ourselves the wasted time searching for words. Words do fail us, our hearts do not.

Today I choose joy, it fills me, for too many reasons to count. I'm blessed, I'm loved, I live. What gifts these are to a little person like me. The rest is (nearly) meaningless.